Shizune's Plight
by Elephant Joe
Summary: I've always thought Shizune gets a bit of a raw deal, and thought it would be funny for her to exact some revenge on the Leaf. However, she isn't exactly the most stealthy when it comes to taking out her enemies. If successful I'll continue.
1. Chapter 1

Shizune's Plight DISCLAIMER – **I do not own either Naruto or any of its characters.**

Another dreary afternoon, snail-paced, running her feet into the ground following Lord Tsunade's barked and unreasonable requests. Trying her hardest to move quickly without breaking her feet in ridiculously high heels (part of the mandatory uniform when working with the vain Blondie, as she called her), Shizune spilt several drops of boiling tea on her hand, and drenched the sleeve of her robe.

'Ouch!'

What a pain. What a big fat annoying pain in the backside. But it wouldn't be so bad if Tsunade actually said _Thank You _once in a while, or _How are you, Shizune?_ But no; these days it was all about _Sakura Haruno. _She was irritating too, thinking just because she cut her own hair off with a knife that she was some kind of child heroine. A real _fighter. _Short hair was Shizune's style, anyway.

She was rubbing the sleeve of her robe in a vain attempt to dry the wet patches when she reached Tsunade's door, laden with a tray of tea, rice-cakes and some pig food for Tonton. Who the hell has a pet pig anyway? she thought. Shizune loved pork. Deciding simply to keep her arm behind her back as best she could, Shizune knocked on the door; a feeble, modest rap.

'What is it?'

'M'Lady, I have your supper'.

'Well _come in_ then, Shizune. Don't keep me waiting too long, I'll starve'.

She opened the door gently, and walked in. There she was, at her desk as always. Head in her hands, perturbed by the smallest amount of paperwork. She never was very organised. Shizune put the tray on the desk, a barrier between the student and the master, constantly elevating Tsunade, and always demeaning Shizune. I might have to take a leaf out of Shikamaru's book one of these days, she thought, This is all such a drag.

'M'Lady, Team Kurenai have returned from their mission in the Land Hidden in the Grass. It was a success, no hiccups at all'

'Mm'.

'I've filed their reports for you, as well as those late ones from Teak Kakashi. I figured you had enough on your hands as it is'.

'Yes'.

This was about as close to dialogue Shizune and her master ever came, unless the poor girl did something to frustrate Tsunade. Then she always had plenty to say. Or rather, plenty to scream. Shizune secretly thought she ought to see a shrink of some kind; one of those psycho-therapists who can relax the mind. While she was away, Shizune could take over as Deputy Hokage... Wouldn't that be nice...

'Shizune, get your fat head out of the clouds! I said this tea is too cold, I need another, pronto'.

Shizune sighed. 'Yes M'Lady'.

A break at last. Tsunade was taking a thoroughly deserved nap, and Shizune was free to do as she pleased (in other words, walking Tonton) for at least an hour.

The pig was strutting along beside her as she browsed the market stalls, casting a lazy eye over goods she could never afford to buy; not on her salary. The wind breezed gently through her hair, whispering secrets in the ears of the leaf village. Somewhere close by, it brought with it words of courage and zest to Naruto Uzumaki, inspiring him to fight on. To all the leaf ninja, in fact, it seemed to bring a spark of confidence, of enthusiasm. But not to Shizune. To her, it brought a fresh tide of bitter jealousy of the world and all its people. Always there were those who stole centre-stage; Naruto, Sasuke, even Sakura when she fought with that old hag Chiyo with the puppets, and all the while Shizune was the one operating the curtain. Never able to shut them out for long...

Tonton suddenly gave an irate squeal – apparently it was hungry again. Now that she thought of it, Shizune was pretty famished, as well. Her stomach growled painfully even as the thought passed through her mind.

'Come on, piggy, let's find somewhere to eat'. The pig licked its lips, smudging the freshly applied, vulgar lipstick Tsunade had given it.

Ichiraku Ramen was closed. So was the BBQ. Great, thought Shizune, just what I need. A shrieking stomach to compliment Tsunade's loud trap. She sighed.

'Tonton?' The pig, which she was holding in her arms, turned to her with vicious, squinting eyes, angered by hunger, 'Doesn't... Doesn't Tsunade's... _harsh _attitude ever bother you?' Tonton's fat eyes narrowed even further. Shizune stumbled on her words. Was the pig going to snitch? 'I mean... I... Not that _I _have a problem with her. I'm just thinking about how she treats _you'. _The pig seemed to sniff blasphemy, and tried to wriggle out of Shizune's grip. She let it down, and it stomped its trotter on the ground, as though enraged. It seemed to want to stand its own ground, ready to defend its mistress.

Shizune had to repress laughter when Tonton began ranting in far-from-impressive oinks. However, after the first couple of minutes, it grew tedious. 'Come on, Tonton, I didn't mean it like – Ow!'

Attempting to pick the pig up again, Tonton had bitten Shizune's hand, and drawn blood. 'Tonton! That hurt!' It gave a vindicated sneer, and unexpectedly, Shizune had an epiphany. An epiphany of fury. She could wipe this pig out in a split second if she wanted to. It was barely ten inches tall, and it was wearing _lipstick _for Christ's Sake. Maybe she ought to get a little payback on Tsunade by giving her favourite pet a good kick-in. The thought amused Shizune.

'Tonton, I want you to apologise'.

The pig glared adamantly, heedless of Shizune's ominous growl. She was asking a pig to say sorry. What was happening to the world? She slowly brought her hands together, preparing for a very unusual hand-sign. Her stomach growled.

'Barbecue Style! ROAST PORK JUTSU!'

Shizune loved a bit of pork. Her cheeks shone a healthy rose colour as she munched on the succulent meat. Revenge was sweet. Little did she know, Sakura had been watching the whole thing from a nearby alleyway, on her way to ask Tsunade for extra lessons on bringing fish back to life... because everybody wants a live salmon...

'Roast... pork... _jutsu?' _

Shizune turned round so fast, she almost cricked her neck. She tried to gasp, but made no sound, merely clogging her throat with Tonton's remains. She spluttered, and it was a few seconds before she could utter a word of surprise.

'Sakura... what are you doing here?'

'I could ask you the same thing', said Sakura, in her constantly fluctuating, insufferable tone. She smirked, 'I didn't realise you had that jutsu. It's very... unique. I guess it explains the size of your waist well enough'.

Shizune felt her face flush crimson. So she hadn't seen?

'I was just going to visit Lady Tsunade. What are you doing out here, Shizune? Shouldn't you be attending your mistress?'

'She's taking her midday nap, Sakura. Like always'. Humph, the little kiss-ass couldn't beat Shizune when it came to Tsunade trivia, at least. She finally managed to swallow the last of the pork, sighing quietly.

'Well, where's Tonton? I know Tsunade always entrusts you with her beloved pet when she can't be around'.

Hmm, this could be tricky, thought Shizune. Her palms were beginning to sweat, and her heart thumped loudly against her chest. Sakura was an annoying little cow, but she was one of the Leaf's brightest Chunin. Surely she'd work out what had happened.

Shizune didn't even have time to consider a plan. Sakura's eyes suddenly widened in horror as she saw Tonton's half burned coat lying in the dirt. _Stupid, _thought Shizune. Stupid! Well, there was nothing for it. She'd just have to keep up her mean streak until this all blew over.

'You killed Tonton!', squealed Sakura, in what Shizune thought was a brilliant impression of the late swine.

'Yep', she replied.

'Aiyeeeh! I can't believe it! I always knew you were a fat little porker, but I didn't think you'd actually _eat _Tsunade's _pig!' _

'Who are you calling fat, billboard brow? Your giant head's twice the size of my waist!

'I'm going to tell the Hokage about this!' cried Sakura, turning to run down the street, 'She's going to _murder _you!'

'Just try it, _Sakura_. Poison smog jutsu!'.

Shizune belched out a cloud of highly toxic gas, which enveloped the whole street in its acrid embrace. She could see nothing, and didn't know whether she'd hit her target. Now, it seemed her heart was throwing itself against her rib-cage. Had she really just killed Sakura, too?

'Try _again!' _Shizune was thrown against the ground as Sakura landed on her, her knees forcing Shizune's face into the dirt. '_Cherry Blossom Clash!'_

A substitution saved Shizune's head from being crushed. She was behind Sakura now, and took from the pocket of her robe, a tiny, almost invisibly thin needle. Sakura jumped aside, seeing the danger, and so Shizune only pricked the skin of the back of her left thigh. Not enough to kill; just to paralyse. Sakura stumbled a few feet away, using a brick wall to support herself. She growled; 'I don't know what's got into you, Shizune, but I'm about to stop it. I hope you're ready!'

'For what? Are you going to stop me, like you stopped Sasuke?'

Sakura gasped. Even Shizune was surprised at her own spitefulness.

'That was a low blow, whale-waist. I'm gonna mess you up for that one!' She roared furiously, and did her best to run forward, though she looked near to falling over. However, Shizune's needle had had no effect on her monstrous fists, and she felt it best to deal with her quickly.

'Poison Needle Storm!' Shizune saw the tiny toxic needles cover Sakura's entire body, before the giant, gloved fist connected with her face, throwing her backwards at an alarming speed into the BBQ.

There was dust everywhere, and Shizune's head was ringing, smothering all other sounds and making her nauseous. The BBQ building's wall had completely collapsed, and the restaurant was half-destroyed on the inside. Nevertheless, Shizune was still conscious, because she was a ninja. Sakura, however, lay dead upon the floor, looking like a fervently abused voodoo doll with all the needles sticking out of her.

'Oh _god' _hissed Shizune. Well, at least the BBQ hadn't been open; that could have been problematic. She stood up, the ringing beginning to fade away, and walked over to the body. As she approached, Sakura coughed. Crap! She wasn't dead. Shizune was just about to take another needle from her robe when the girl spoke, in a cracked and desperate voice.

'I love you, _Sasuke'. _Then her body went rigid, and she died.

'Oh _gawd_ Sakura, even with your dying breath you had a to be a sentimental loser'. Shizune had decided she got quite a kick out of imposing her power on people – though perhaps she'd gone a tad too far this time.


	2. Chapter 2

2

At seven o'clock the next morning, Tsunade's eyes shot open. The squawking of birds had disturbed her dreams of riches and successful gambling. In her sleepy daze, she remembered being showered in wads of money, some so heavy they hurt; it had been bliss.

Damn those birds! Tsunade was getting a migraine, because Shizune had left the window wide open. What a moron. She swung the bell sitting on her bedside table with unnecessary vigour, and the sound seemed to reverberate in her skull like a squash ball. When her lady-in-waiting didn't appear, the Hokage grew more irate. Such an undependable girl. Tsunade stood up, as the warm summer light sailed into the room and struck her face. Then, something inside her shivered, making her convulse horribly.

What was it?

'I have a feeling', growled Tsunade to the empty room, feeling the tiny, almost inconceivable hairs rise on her arms, 'Someone very stupid, has just done something very, very, annoying. And I'm going to have to sort it out'.

The birds continued to cry, almost in warning, as though upset by a sudden change in the world, as Tsunade slammed the window shut with a sigh.

_How could I have overslept? _screamed a panicked little voice inside Shizune's mind. _Tsunade's going to kill me!_ Despite the girl's hectic state of mind as she rushed across the courtyard from her chamber to the main building, where Tsunade slept, her hair sticking up like a bird's nest had been planted on her head, Shizune knew full-well that she had been exhausted by both physical exertion and mental disarray the night before.

The night had been horrible, filled with anxiety and sickening fear. The bed sheet would have to be washed tonight – it was drenched in cold sweat. All through the night, into the late hours of the morning even, one single, blood-chilling fact had been running circles around her head like a broken record; Shizune had killed two people! _(Well, said a more sarcastic voice in her head, one and a half. Tonton hardly qualified as a person)_ Shizune shook the dangerous thought away, literally, as she skittered up the stairs of the building. Then, she stopped and swerved, jumping back down four steps at a time. Forgot the tea!

As she jumped to the floor with a thump, almost falling over in her heeled shoes, a yellow, latex glove fell from the pocket of her robe. Shizune stared at it for a moment, wondering where it had come from. It was strange; she was so tired that she couldn't even perceive the red smudges covering the glove for a few seconds. Then all at once it hit her again, that wave of icy water. She squealed, and fumbled for it on the floor, stuffing it into her robe.

What the hell had Shizune gotten herself in to?

Despite the somewhat morose cloud that had settled over Shizune's head that day, outside in the centre of the Leaf the sun was shining, making the roofs of the many houses and shops glisten pleasantly. It was early morning; breakfast time, and Chojji, Ino and Shikamaru were making their way towards the now demolished BBQ.

'You know, Chojji', whined Ino, bored, 'There _are _other restaurants in this village that might be just as good as the BBQ. We don't have to come here every day'.

Chojji slowed his pace, which had been relentlessly quick beforehand, and Ino saw his ear twitch irritably. Shikamaru chuckled cynically.

'Ino, you should know better than most (but not me, because I'm Chojji's best friend, and I love rubbing it in your face, loner)that he has a certain affinity with roast pork, chicken and beef that just can't be satisfied anywhere else'

'Rosharosharosh! How could you EVER suggest it, Ino?' burst Chojji, 'I need pork because as a ninja, I'm required to be STRONG'.

'But, surely as a ninja, you know, perfectly at harmony with everything, calm, practical and all that, you should be willing to accept that there are - OW'

There was a snap as Chojji stamped on Ino's foot, throwing his 120 kilo mass behind the attack. Several of the bones in Ino's foot, along with all the toes, were broken.

'Oh my God, ow!' Ino fell onto her behind, and began cradling her limp foot. As they walked past, various shoppers and pedestrians were forced to move around her; they tutted at her selfishness.

'Jeez, Ino', groaned Shikamaru, 'Man up, will ya?'

'Shikamaru!' cried Ino through tears, 'Didn't you -?'

'Hey', said Chojji in a curious tone, 'What's going on over at the BBQ?'

A crowd had assembled around the building, about 50 yards ahead of them. The restaurant itself wasn't visible, but there was a high-pitched, indistinguishable yelling coming from the centre of the gathering.

'GUYS! I think I've broken my - '

'Whatever, Ino', said Shikamaru, strolling after Chojji, who was sprinting surprisingly fast for a fat-ass, towards the crowd, 'Don't you ever wonder why you never get any impressive moments when we go on missions? It's 'cause you're a whiner. Ciao.'

After a few minutes of gazing after her partner in bewilderment, Ino managed to hoist herself up, and hobble to the local hospital, muttering angry curses as she went.

Meanwhile, in the Hokage's private quarters, Tsunade still awaited her morning mug of tea. She was dressed, and ready to begin her day's paper work and shouting at people lower than her in rank, when the door was rapped upon shakily.

'Enter', said Tsunade, curtly.

Shizune walked through the door, slowly, as she had to balance a tray of tea, biscuits and bread in one hand whilst opening the door with the other.

'What happened, Shizune?' demanded the Hokage.

'Oh, Tsunade-sensei, I'm sorry! Though I have no excuse other than that I overslept. I am terribly - '

Her voice was like a torn tissue flailing in the wind. Tsunade studied her with hawk eyes, then said, 'Fine. You can bring that into my office, Shizune'.

'Yes, Madam'.

As Tsunade left the room, her face contorted into an expression of great boredom, the tinkle of china sounded from behind her. She turned, quick as lightning, to see that Shizune had dropped the tea on the floor. The girl was gaping, in horror, at a loss for words. Her hands were quivering. Tsunade didn't say a word for several seconds. Instead she watched Shizune, as she fell to her knees and began picking up the broken pieces of crockery. She analysed her every asset; her darting eyes, her sweating forehead, her incessant gasps of apology. But most of all, her hands, pale and almost uncontrollable. It was something Tsunade had never seen, and didn't like at all. There was trouble in the air.

'Get me another cup, Shizune'.

'Yes, m'lady'.

'Oh, and Shizune?' The girl looked up from the floor at the woman's strange tone, 'Could you bring Tonton with you? I'm guessing she stayed with you last night, but you know I hate it when you keep her'.

After she'd left the room, Shizune struggled to grasp the air for her lungs._ Oh God_, she thought, _The Pig. _

'Mmm, Sakura-Sakura-Sakura, where are you Sakura?'

'Naruto, shut up'.

'But I need ma Sakura! Where is she, Kakashi-sensei?'

'If I knew that, I would have told you sooner. Probably. I forget things like that, sometimes. Mmm, make-out tactics'.

Kakashi, Naruto and Sai were waiting in a broad, dirty road of the village, waiting for Sakura to meet them and for their next mission to begin.

'You're such a perv, Sensei', muttered Naruto, glancing down the street with an eye out for the girl.

'By saying that, Naruto, I would say you are a hypocrite', said Sai in his usual Microsoft-Sam voice.

'Yeah', laughed Kakashi, tearing his eyes away from the 'novel' and chuckling, 'You itch your crotch unfailingly whenever you catch sight of that billboard-brow of hers'.

'… Why would you look at my crotch, Sensei?'

'Shut up'.

'It appears some one is coming' said Sai, missing the allusion behind the question, 'Possibly Sakura'.

Naruto, who was glaring at Kakashi, visibly lit up. 'Where? Where? Wh – Oh. It's Ino'.

Ino had indeed hobbled towards them, the broken ankle greatly compromising her usual 'lightning-fast agility' (pfft).

''Sup, Ino', said Naruto, dully.

'Nothing', she practically spat as she walked past.

'Jeez, calm it, Ino. What happened to your foot'.

'That fat-ass Chojji crushed it, then ran off to the BBQ. Moron'.

Naruto burst out laughing, and Ino shot him a poisonous glare. Even Kakashi had to seal his lips to control himself.

'It's not funny!' she screamed, 'I need to get to the hospital'.

'I can take you' said Sai, 'We're waiting for Sakura, anyway'.

One could almost see Ino's eyes water with sentiment as she goggled at Sai. Even Naruto's chuckles couldn't distract her from Sai for a few moments.

'Yes, please' she whispered, blushing as Sai offered her his shoulder and the two walked slightly faster towards the hospital.

'You know, Ino', called Kakashi coolly, 'This is why the only action you got against Kakuzu was throwing a kunai, which missed. You need to man-up'.

'SHUT UP!'.

''Kay, just sayin''

'By the way, Sensei, some shiz is going down at the BBQ, might wanna go check it out. I would have stayed, but... '

'You got fat-ass on your foot?'

'Yeah'

'I understand, let's go Naruto'.

'But I wanna see Sakuraaa'.

'Urgh, gay'.


End file.
